Hello~

Hello again people who read my blog! it's been a long time, hasn't it.

I am very happily engaged. :) And I don't know if that means my poetry will end or if it will just come and go randomly.

July 11th seems so far away from now, but it isn't ... I have so much to do, and so little time to do it in!!!

School will keep me plenty busy that's for sure.

So I apologize that I haven't written (like you care) just been so busy!! :) I will write more soon!

Love, Katie

Every smile is empty,every hug lacks warmth.
In this cold world filled with hate, pride, and pain
It's hard to even care as friendships fade, and dreams die.

Oh love, where have you gone?
Feeling worthless, abadoned and abused.
Naked in this spotlightevery sin is exposed,every deed is bare.

Does anyone notice, does anyone care?
Oh love, where have you gone?

Hatred has locked all the doors,
Loneliness has eaten all the windows
coldness has poisoned the air.

Does anyone notice? Does anyone care?
Oh love, where have you gone?

Stinkish Poetry

What can I say? I love being poetic. Even if I stink at it. The only thing I can say about these two poems is they were during my infamous Phil period which I am still trying to get rid of the blackness after the fire... if you know me, you know what that means.

The lights are off, I am alone
the silence is bittersweet
haunted by realities, by memories
words play like a distant dream
time ticks by and all I can think of is you
I've tried to get you out of my head again and again,
Those blue green eyes, the heart melting smile.
I know you don' care but I can't seem to let go
it shouldn't be this hard to let go
of something that was never yours
every inch of my body aches, my heart has shattered into a million pieces
Because you will never love me.
I've tried to forget what I put myself through
trying to forget the way you looked as the rain fell on your face..
boy after boy I've tried to get you off my mind
Oh God, help me!

Piece after piece I've let go of you
but I just can't seem to let go
Of the last dream, the last hope of you and me.

I know you don't care but I can't seem to let it go
it shouldn't be this hard to let go of something that was never yours
every inch of my body aches, my heart has shattered into a million pieces
Because you will never love me.
And yet, no matter how hard I try, how many times I cry,
I just can't seem to let you go.

--
Oh what I would do for you to penetrate from my veins as no more then a disappointment
So that my wounds would finally heal.
But alas, there you are, in the back of my mind,with your cold laughter and seething eyes.
You never loved me.
My heart has been ripped into shreds all over again.
Like ten million bricks the years plunge onto my chest.
And familiar tears play on my cheeks, reminders of my forgotten dreams.

The nights are so cold without you here beside me.
She has your kisses and your touch, the touch that I dreamed of for so long.
My heart bleeds for I know it is too late.
As the night closes in, I'm taking what's left of me.

I'm saying goodbye, goodbye to you my wistful love,
Goodbye to my pain, my shame, my pride, my inspiration.

Goodbye my wistful love, goodbye.

A Creature of The Shadows, forever?

Tears decorate the skies
pieces of a broken heart lie on the
silver floor
faced with questions she cannot answer
inside she breaks
because in her heart, there is only darkness
but all around there are those who are so lovely
so wonderful.
But she, she is condemned, as a creature of their worst nightmares.

A creature of the shadows.

A creature of the shadows.
Never will she see the glory of that light
which blinds the eye
never will she feel the warmth of a an everlasting hug on her face
or the warmth of joyful tears..
A creature of the shadows
is what she shall be.
Always searching, always looking for just one,
if even for a brief moment, a look at that light..
a look at the love which is hidden in the angel's faces.
And the creatures of the light, are burned by even the very eyes
of the creature of the shadows..

A creature of the shadows is what I am.
It is what I shall be.

Sometimes this is just how I feel. Like I will never do anything right. Like I can never be anything more then just.. a failure.
Like everyone else is so much more then me, and I can never do any good. But then I can see the selfish motives behind this, but this just sends me further into my little spiral of beating myself up. And I realize, more then anything else, this is how I am being a creature of the shadows. I am clinging to my sinful ways.. not wanting to let them go.. and I hope and pray that God will help me overcome them.. to let him control my life.. to become more Christ like.. that means stepping out of the shadows, and risk getting burned. As Asya said. God isn't safe, but he is good!

And with this attitude I strive to become a creature of the light, instead of the shadows. Because this girl doesn't want to be there forever!!!

Just Thoughts.

So.. my choir testimony is about Beauty.
How beauty should be something that is so much deeper then outward appearance,
but it is so hard for me,
why is it so hard?
I think it boils down to my pride.
I just want someone to think I am beautiful. That I am good enough, It is my weakness..
Because I will never be good enough on my own.
Without Christ, I am like the Beast, I have no hope at all for Beauty in this human heart of mine.
He created me just the way he wants me, and to doubt that,
is to doubt him.. and I really don't want to do that!

I am changing .. ever so slowly, I am coming to realize
that I am beautiful.
in my own way.
I may not be the best poet,
I definantly am not the wisest Christian
I fail as a friend sometimes
I get angry
I forget to care
I forget that there is a much bigger world then just me!
There's so many things I could pick at,
but I have a purpose.
I am God's child, and I am beautiful in his sight..
And no matter how much make-up I put on,
no matter how many beautiful sonnnets I write, God looks at my heart
he sees my thoughts
how insane is that???
Yet he loves me.
God's free grace astounds me.
Random I know.
But we've been talking about that in choir tour meetings lately, God's free grace.... :)
How coolio...
well.. I'm out for now!!!

<3>

Dandelion Sighs...

Alone the Dandelion sighs
Remebering the glorious day
when to innocent children at play
she was a gift fit for a King or a Queen.

Alone the Dandelion sighs.

Now she is no more then a weed,
unwanted wherever she grows,
she is nothing compared to the beautiful rose
she wilts beneath it's glory.
For what is she but a weed?

Alone the Dandelion sighs.

Wishing that a soul might see the beauty underneath the weed,
But it is only a dream,
she must live day to day, to eventually fade away...
It is her fate, forever to be known as a weed..

Alone the Dandelion sighs.

Me. My life.

So who am I?
What am I?
Well I am Katie Rigstad.
I am from Roseau MN
And I am currently in Bemidji Minnesota.
Like you care? :) Uhm...
Mostly this blog will be used for posting poems, memories, thoughts, hopes, dreams.. all that sort of good stuff.
I am an actress at heart, and am very dramatic.
I am very random.. and I like to be random.
Anywho, moving on. Today's topic?
Life.
Life is so fast, there is so much to be expierenced, and so little time to expierence it.
This week has been so hectic, it's not even funny. I hate school .. i hate it.. well right now I do. I have so many things I have to do, then choir tour!! ahhh!! RUN AWAY!
But. I mean. wow. Who has time to do anything anymore? I want to kill College!!!!
Well I am out! <3>